Keep Calm and Carry On..

Lil K soon turns three.

He is quite a handful.. and born to a temperamental ( C would rather just say MENTAL ;-) ) mother, we clash often :)

He has gotten into terrible twos ( that's the only sane justification for the tantrums these days) a year late , and I am driven to the edge of hysterics when C isn't around us to keep peace.

The other day K insisted on walking to the supermarket instead of a ride in the buggy, to which I happily agreed ( on after thought , I don't know why).

A short walk further to the supermarket is a small bridge, which runs over a train track. K knows these routes by heart. He hears the train whistle from miles away.

I keep supermarket shopping to bare minimum when K is with me. So that I have a hand free to grab his and keep him from straying away. But, that fateful day, though I just shopped 1 bagful, the bag was a tad heavy.

We finished with the shopping, K being unbelievably cooperative.

As a thank you gesture, instead of just giving him a few hugs and kisses, I agreed to walk him to the bridge to see the trains - he loves to run from one side of the bridge to other, and wave to the trains till they disappear.

He did his routine 30 mile run on that small bridge waving to a million trains. ( these are daily commute local trains fondly called the tube, which run every few minutes)

Then after a couple of pleads, bribes and threats on my part, I was able to head back home, with the bagful and the handful.

House is a short walk away - 5 mins on my own, an hour with K - OK , not being OTT its half an hour with K.

After about 10 mins, when the house was a few blocks away, K realised he was tiered.

As is the rule, he stood in front of me, and lifted both his hands up.

So did I ( in my mind ,I threw them up in defeat!) The bag was heavy, almost bursting at its seams, and I was flustered and crabby with the infinite amount of babbling and ( pretend on my part and genuine on K's ) excitement at each passing train. ( Seriously, how can kids jump in joy for the same thing a 1000 times in quick succession?)

I said NO. I can't lift you K. We are near to the house, the bag is heavy and YOU wanted to walk ( this I will use in my defence once he is old enough to understand)

He realised that being cute and small isn't helping.

So he started to cry and clung to my legs. I kept walking with the bagful, and lil K trying to climb up his way into my arms.

He realised that this isn't working.

He let go, and started to call me names. ( lil K has a vast vocab of 'naughty mommy' and 'I don't like you')

Ears burning with shame (thankfully no British passer-bys to nod in disarrangement) , I inched towards house, still a painful few blocks away.

Now K had had enough ( gahh!) - his lil hands balled up in fists he screamed his face red, tears streaming down his face. To add insult to injury - he interspersed it with a pitiful ' Daaadddddyyyy'

I was witnessing lil K's début performance of throwing a tantrum.

Don't ask me how I controlled the rising urge to smack him. I almost smacked him.

I held his hand with my free one, and dragged him all angry and red and teary eyed the last few steps into the house.

Keep Calm and Carry On - was what I was reminding myself through all this.

At home, with K fed and tucked in with a lot of extra hugs and kisses and heartfelt apologies, I went on a guilt trip. Atonement would only come after narrating this to C in the evening and make him say what I did was right.

yes, parenting is not easy. It does push you to the very end.

At times like this, I seek solace in Google search. And it comes to me in more ways than one. I am not alone, I am not the only wicked mom in the whole world wide web.

Finds like this help me keep calm and carry on!