Invictus

I watched Invictus starring Morgan Freeman (as Mandela) and Matt Damon (as) on a flight I was on. The movie is directed by Clint Eastwood. Am a fan of all three of the above mentioned guys, so I quite enjoyed the movie. It is based on the events around 1995 Rugby World Cup in South Africa, around the time apartheid was dismantled and Nelson Mandela was the first black President of South Africa. Springboks, the rugby union team of South Africa, is an all white team, except for one black player. Post-apartheid, there is a strong racial under current between blacks and whites, and the blacks don't look at Springboks as their national team, and don't support it. Mandela wants to change this, and wants the team to have full nation's support - making a World Cup victory the point to unite and inspire black and white sentiments as one nation. He gets in touch with Francois Pienaar, the captain of Springboks, and expresses his wish that they win the World Cup. He shares a poem called Invictus with Francois, and tells him that this poem inspired him for 27 years in the prison and continues to inspire him today.

In the movie, Francois takes his team to the prison where Mandela spent his first 18 years of the 27 year term. He marvels at the fact that in such a tiny cell, a man could be unbroken for 27 years, and still come out to forgive the people who put him there. It fills him with determination, and he drives the team to an improbable victory.

Below is the poem


Invictus
By William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Still Alice and Alzheimers

I watched the movie Still Alice on my flight to Melbourne.
This particular speech in one of the scene moved me to tears. Sharing it here.
Every spoke word rings true.
I cannot imagine how life can be for someone who knows what lies in front of them as Alzheimers progresses.


The Poet, Elizabeth Bishop, once wrote:

"The art of losing isn't hard to master..."
"so many things seem filled with the
intent to be lost..."
"that their loss is no disaster".

I am not a poet. I'm a person living with Early Onset Alzheimers.
And as that person, I find myself learning the art of losing... every day. Losing my bearings, losing objects...losing sleep, but mostly...losing memories. 
All my life, I've accumulated memories. They've become in a way, my most precious possessions. The night I met my husband...the first time I held my texbook in my hands...having children... making friends...travelling the world.
Everything I've accumulated in life,everything I've worked so hard for...now all that is being ripped away. As you can imagine, or as you know, this is hell.
But it gets worse.
Who can take us seriously when we are so far from who we once were.
Our strange behavior and fumbled sentences...change others perceptions of us...and our perception of ourselves.
We become ridiculous... incapable...comic.
But this is not who we are.
This is our disease.
And like any disease, it has a cause...it has a progression, and it could have a cure.
My greatest wish, is that my children...Our children, the next generation...do not have to face what I am facing.
But for the time being I'm still alive. I know I'm alive.
I have people I love dearly. I have things I want to do with my life. I rail against myself for not being able
to remember this.
But I still have moments in the day of pure happiness and joy.
And please do not think that I am suffering.
I am not suffering. I am struggling. Struggling to be a part of things.
To stay connected to who I once was. 
So live in the moment I tell myself.
It's really all I can do.
Live in the moment.
And not beat myself up to much.
And not...beat myself up too much for mastering the art of losing.
One thing I will try to hold onto though, is the memory of speaking here today.
It will go... I know it will... it may be gone by tomorrow.
But it means so much...to be talking here, today....like my old ambitious self who was so fascinated by communication.
Thank you for this opportunity.
It means the world to me.
Thank you.