Girl , Interrupted ..

No, am not talking about the junkie Angelina Jolie plays in the above titled movie. Am talking about a more real-life heroine - ahem - me.

Let me not hog all the lime light - its about us all - all happily-married-moms-of-two-kids girl folks.
So, here we were, the darlings of our dads (and moms too) , brought up uninhibited - happy to pursue our own thing. Whatever we chose, studies, career, life partner - was supported. Well, they trusted their daughters to do the right thing :)
We were the girls - just like the boys of our age.
We went on trips, we ate in restaurants, we watched movies. We played indoor games, outdoor games. We swam. We cycled.  We biked. We hiked. We drove cars. We had sleepovers. We laughed hard. We cried our eyes out. We sang, We danced. We shopped. We volunteered . We  soaked in rain. We tanned in the sun. We studied hard. We excelled at schools and universities.

Life was a whirlwind, a flow from one stream to another. Gushing, gasping, frothing, bubbling away.

And now, how is it now? Are we sad? Are we unhappy? No, we are not!
But are we flowing? Are we gushing, gasping - crusading un-interrupted? No, we are not!
Now some are like calm lakes  - still, cool, deep. Happy with the lotuses growing in. Supporting an ecosystem unnoticed. Happy with the reflections of the trees and mountains and the skies.
And some are even stagnant puddles - dark, dull, muddled. Nothing to show, nothing to reflect. No stimulation from inside, and none from outside.

Where are the girls gone? Where is the laughter, the spirit?
Here they are, all grown - all turning into women. What happened? and why?

Are these the same girls? Yes they are, but they are the Girls - Interrupted!

Back To Work

Times Of India has started a story writing competition, panning over 11 months. Each month a published author will give a theme in the form of a paragraph.Contestants are to spin a story around that. You can read more about it at 'Write India Campaign'.

I wrote one for the September contest.
The paragraph was by Ashwin Sanghi. This is how it read.

'I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. "Ten, nine, eight, seven...". '


And this the story I spun around it.

" BACK TO WORK "

It had been about four months. Going back to the same office where I worked for the past 3 years still felt strange. Even alien at times.
People were polite, but cautious. Their courtesy suppressed their impatience. Or may be it was just my imagination. These things happen. They are bound to happen. I some times reasoned with my unsure mind, some times reprimanded the impatient brute.
My mind worked strangely these days. It was always busy thinking about him. It played the same images again and again. Some times it made me smile. Some times it made me chuckle out loud. I drew strange looks from my colleagues then. Some times it made me grab my phone and rush out for a call. And it made me tap my feet or drum my fingers in the middle of a meeting - letting every one know that I longed it to be over.
"Is this how things are going to be from now on? " I asked Maya, my senior colleague and now designated agony aunt.
"May be. May be not. Once this happens, life is never the same." she replied with a knowing smile.
I sighed. I was good at my job. At least I was, till now. But now everything seemed changed from the time I was away. It was ruffled and rattled.
I felt like I had been thrown into rough waters and I was struggling to recall how to swim. Was it the hands first? Or the legs? Or was it together? And when do I breathe? Now? Later? Or everything at once?
Can't I just float? Just be like a log? I was so tiered already.

I tried to shut my mind off. I stared at the computer screen.
I was suddenly aware of the small box flashing there. '3 minutes overdue' it said.
I dismissed the  reminder and reached out for the phone.
I waited as it rang. And rang some more. Panic started creeping in - slowly, very slowly. And a hint of anger just mixed in.
What is she doing? Where is she? Why isn't she picking the phone?
I wondered where he was. Is he with her? Or is he sleeping?
Suddenly I heard her voice on the other end of the phone. She was in the kitchen, she said.
"He ate, and he is sleeping. He is fine."
"Anything new?" I eagerly asked.
"No. But don't worry."
I hung up after a bit of small talk.
"Yes I had lunch. You eat. Ok. Bye."
What did she mean by don't worry? Should I be worrying? Does everyone start worrying by now?
11 months is not very late. But not very early either.

There were about 15 messages from Jayesh. Half of them were just hearts and roses. I smiled. He never forgets to send these. Five years is not such a long time after all. May be, everything does not change completely as Maya had said. I opened the calendar and clicked around aimlessly the date three weeks from now. Three more weeks. That's a long time. He should travel less. Isn't he missing so many things? I made a note to myself to discuss this with him once he was back.

"I will be working from home tomorrow". I mentioned as I picked my bag to leave. I tried not to sound apologetic.
Maya smiled. "Sure.Everything al right at home?"
"Yes. Regular doctor's visit. Jayesh isn't back yet, so have to go on my own this time."
I knew I won't be in for the rest of the week. A day at home and my resolve melted - I wish I was at home always.
I felt guilty. Didn't I always assure myself that work won't suffer?
A moment later defiance flashed within. Things have changed. They should support this phase. All employers should.
Why am I left feeling guilty? I shouldn't. And I won't.

As I cleared the dinner table, I watched them from the corner of my eye. She looked tiered. I noticed the slight limp as she walked across the room.
He sat on the floor with his legs stretched before him. He pointed to something under the sofa and screamed for it.
Before I could reach there, she laboriously bent forward, clutching her left knee.
"He always wants this one." she smiled.
I watched as they sat on the floor rug together.
Did he notice me? Does he even want me?
Again the familiar guilt crept in. She is old. May be she should not be doing this. He needs me. What am I doing?

"It's a day trip. The whole team is going. What do you say?" my colleague asked.
I smiled politely. The offsite event was a week away. May be I will go.
"I will let you know." I said. My colleague nodded knowingly. Or did I just imagine he did?
A whole day away? How can she manage?
I always enjoyed team outings. Everybody seemed to come out of their shells.
Everyone transformed into normal human beings as the armours of titles were cast away.They spoke freely and laughed loudly.
It would be good. I can mend a few broken bridges if I can go along.

"I am logging in from home today. She is not feeling very well. Same knee pain. And I can't join for the trip. Sorry." I told my manager, and hung up.
I resented her. Why me? Why now? I wonder what they all are doing. She is done, they must be saying. I can't believe I missed it.

I dragged myself to work that Friday. A whole week at office. And so much work done. I think the week had gone well. Am back in the game! I smiled smugly to myself.Can't wait for the weekend. Just then the phone beeped. She had sent a video clip. My smile vanished.

I played the video clip once more, probably for the 100th time now. He looked so small, so vulnerable. On all his fours, face going red with effort. He won't give up. He just won't. Tottering on three limbs, he lifted one hand to grab the chair near him. He pulled himself up and clung to the side. He turned towards the camera and smiled.I could hear her clap and cheer. I couldn't see her. I wanted to be there. I wanted to be her. I could feel jealousy rising up in my stomach, I could almost taste it in my mouth. Why aren't there two of me? One here in the office and one there at home?

"Hummmm.." I said absent mindedly.
"Are you there? Are you listening? " Jayesh asked at the other end of the phone.
"Yeah. Look, am exhausted. I think I will sleep. Aren't you getting late for office? Do text me your flight details." I said.
I closed my eyes. I could feel tears welling up. Why am I crying? What is wrong?
I woke up with a sore throat. Another sick leave. I switched on the kettle and waited for the water to boil.
For once, I didn't feel guilty to be home. I was home for a valid reason. For a real reason.
Many people fall sick , many people apply for a sick leave. This was no special case. I was taking off just like any other colleague of mine.
Strangely, I felt equal to them. Tomorrow I will login from home, but today was my day off, for myself.

I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. "Ten, nine, eight, seven...".
A few more steps and he will reach the door. Though I was working from home,I had to get into this call. But my phone camera was recording every little move. Hidden,un-noticed. He should not see it. Not now.
'six, five four...' God ! Oh God! Please. Please.
He stumbled. I almost gasped. I skipped a heartbeat. Just a few more steps.
'...three, two, one!'. Yes, Yes! He did it. He held the door and turned back to smile at me.
"Aaaannnnd Cut !! Daddy, your little boy has started walking!!!! You missed it , but I didn't !!" I smiled and spoke into the camera, and then stopped the recording. Wait till Jayesh sees this one - hah!
I rushed and gathered my baby in my arms. I kissed his hair and hugged him closer. We did a little jig together.
"Look Grandma - who just walked all by himself! 5 whole steps. From here till the door!" I called out to my mother in law.
She walked into the room and smiled. I beamed at her.
"Not even a year old yet, and already walking. How much more will your old grandma run after you? " her words dripped with unconcealed pride.
Grandparents! I shook my head in mock exasperation.

"I need to get back to work. Please take him." I handed him over to her, and closed the door behind me, ready to take the office call.

Invictus

I watched Invictus starring Morgan Freeman (as Mandela) and Matt Damon (as) on a flight I was on. The movie is directed by Clint Eastwood. Am a fan of all three of the above mentioned guys, so I quite enjoyed the movie. It is based on the events around 1995 Rugby World Cup in South Africa, around the time apartheid was dismantled and Nelson Mandela was the first black President of South Africa. Springboks, the rugby union team of South Africa, is an all white team, except for one black player. Post-apartheid, there is a strong racial under current between blacks and whites, and the blacks don't look at Springboks as their national team, and don't support it. Mandela wants to change this, and wants the team to have full nation's support - making a World Cup victory the point to unite and inspire black and white sentiments as one nation. He gets in touch with Francois Pienaar, the captain of Springboks, and expresses his wish that they win the World Cup. He shares a poem called Invictus with Francois, and tells him that this poem inspired him for 27 years in the prison and continues to inspire him today.

In the movie, Francois takes his team to the prison where Mandela spent his first 18 years of the 27 year term. He marvels at the fact that in such a tiny cell, a man could be unbroken for 27 years, and still come out to forgive the people who put him there. It fills him with determination, and he drives the team to an improbable victory.

Below is the poem


Invictus
By William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Still Alice and Alzheimers

I watched the movie Still Alice on my flight to Melbourne.
This particular speech in one of the scene moved me to tears. Sharing it here.
Every spoke word rings true.
I cannot imagine how life can be for someone who knows what lies in front of them as Alzheimers progresses.


The Poet, Elizabeth Bishop, once wrote:

"The art of losing isn't hard to master..."
"so many things seem filled with the
intent to be lost..."
"that their loss is no disaster".

I am not a poet. I'm a person living with Early Onset Alzheimers.
And as that person, I find myself learning the art of losing... every day. Losing my bearings, losing objects...losing sleep, but mostly...losing memories. 
All my life, I've accumulated memories. They've become in a way, my most precious possessions. The night I met my husband...the first time I held my texbook in my hands...having children... making friends...travelling the world.
Everything I've accumulated in life,everything I've worked so hard for...now all that is being ripped away. As you can imagine, or as you know, this is hell.
But it gets worse.
Who can take us seriously when we are so far from who we once were.
Our strange behavior and fumbled sentences...change others perceptions of us...and our perception of ourselves.
We become ridiculous... incapable...comic.
But this is not who we are.
This is our disease.
And like any disease, it has a cause...it has a progression, and it could have a cure.
My greatest wish, is that my children...Our children, the next generation...do not have to face what I am facing.
But for the time being I'm still alive. I know I'm alive.
I have people I love dearly. I have things I want to do with my life. I rail against myself for not being able
to remember this.
But I still have moments in the day of pure happiness and joy.
And please do not think that I am suffering.
I am not suffering. I am struggling. Struggling to be a part of things.
To stay connected to who I once was. 
So live in the moment I tell myself.
It's really all I can do.
Live in the moment.
And not beat myself up to much.
And not...beat myself up too much for mastering the art of losing.
One thing I will try to hold onto though, is the memory of speaking here today.
It will go... I know it will... it may be gone by tomorrow.
But it means so much...to be talking here, today....like my old ambitious self who was so fascinated by communication.
Thank you for this opportunity.
It means the world to me.
Thank you.

After a Long Time

I have started another blog Many-Minded Me - which is a sort of a diary I am keeping.
I have embarked upon a 'Yell Free' journey and am chronicling the days as I try to yell less at my kids and family and be more patient, one day at a time.

Through this I also want to keep this blog active, with  other musings from day to day.

Like today, on my cab ride to office, i got chatting with the cab driver. He described how he sticks to an 8 hour day for his heath's sake. "Too much pollution, smoke, diesel, dirt "he said. "And people are always angry when they are in traffic, it spoils my day and it will spoil my health " he added.

He rued about some areas not adhering to the green belt option and allowing too much of construction. " No roads, no signals - but new houses are coming, new offices are coming. Where will their cars and scooters run? On same roads! The first make roads bigger, then make more offices - simple no? " he asked.
"I was an auto driver earlier, and always worked near railway stations. Easy to get fare there. But the traffic is too much. Now I have my own A/C car, from past 6 months am very happy" he confided.

As we drove through a huge premise still partially under construction , he pointed to a few tankers and said  " people build houses with lakhs of rupees, and then they buy water from tankers for their daily needs. Bisleri for everything . But where is natural? No natural. All natural destroyed by builders."
His idea of progress was simple - "people should be happy, nature should be happy. So many floods, droughts, earthquakes - nature is showing its anger. We should slow down till there is a balance ".

We reached office by that time and he said his goodbyes. But the wisdom coming from him set me thinking, if every man or woman cared their little bit for nature, may be we will leave a better world for our kids.

India Chronicles 2 - Decision Made, what next?

After having made your mind, there are a lot of things to take care of. Lets see what are the obvious ones.

1. Job : The main reason that brought you abroad is career. Job plays a very important role in setting your lifestyle in a foreign country. When you return to India, same would be the case.
A few things one would consider while going back are :
-are both husband and wife working abroad? would both want to work after going back to India?
To maintain a certain lifestyle, may be that double income is required. But on the other hand, if the lady of the house has enjoyed a job which allowed her flexibility like part-time, work from home etc - can she negotiate a similar arrangement in India? If not, is she willing to work full time? What would be the arrangements then in terms of childcare, travel, house work etc?
-is there a possibility of getting a work transfer for either of them - preferably in a desired city in India?
If one is fairly happy with the work they do abroad, negotiating an offer to work in India with the same employer might be beneficial. If its possible , that is. For one, you know the organisation, so may be you know what or what not to expect. Also, that way a few other things like relocation charges, initial setting up in India can be taken care of. Once one of you is comfortably placed, the other can take his/her time to find a suitable job.
-do your research before you accept an offer. 
To land a job in India, one would have his/her own resources. Contacts, agents, network etc. Keep your expectations realistic. A salary earned abroad does not translate dollar-to-rupee while moving to India. Factor in the cost of living in different cities in India. Check the extras that go into the salary - HRA, medical, leaves, bonus - even for the same employer, these things vary with geography and country policies.
Get a rough estimate of your day-to-day expenses, and the in-hand salary you would draw monthly. Consider savings you would make, if any. Owning a property in India, renting an accommodation, kids' education, medical expenses, car, loans - everything needs to be considered before you reach a figure you would want to accept. Again - keep your expectations realistic!

2. Current arrangement Abroad
-House
Once you know where you are landing in India, its time to wrap up things abroad. If you are renting, then things might be a bit easy. Hand in your notice, dispose off your belongings that aren't coming with you, ship off the ones that are and you are set. If you own a property - you have a bigger task at hand. Do you want to sell? do you want to let? How long would it take for these transactions?
Also, keep in mind your subscriptions, utility services, insurance policies etc. Allow enough time for transfers, cancellations, refunds on all of these. Don't forget to to forward your postal mail!
-Belongings
Does not call for a separate tab, but lets just quickly skim through. Anything and everything can come under belongings - cars, furniture, white goods, books, clothes, kitchen stuff and what not!
There are roughly 3 ways to categorise disposal of belongings. 1) Take with you to India 2) Sell off or
3)  Donate, distribute or just bin it!
Allow enough time for this activity as it gets a bit crazy towards the end!!
-Shipping
People do a lot of research before shipping goods to India. There are numerous options available. You can send by ship or by air cargo. The charges and limits vary. Some vendors are packers and movers, some just collect the boxes that you pack.
Air cargo normally drops from door to destination city. Custom clearance needs to be done by you. It costs more, but is quicker.
Shipping normally is from door to nearest port. Shipping takes longer, but is less expensive than air cargo.
Some go by volume, some by weight. People share containers with others if there isn't much to fill a whole shipping container. The vendor might do this for you, or you might have to do it yourself.
What ever you do, keep a detailed inventory for your reference. It helps during custom clearance, and also later when you unpack.
Also, keep receipts of valuable items - electronic goods, furniture etc.
Check details on custom duties. It might be cheaper to buy again in India!
Check what your airline is allowing you. Also compare costs of booking extra baggage with airline against shipping options, for things like clothes, books, vessels which can safely be checked-in- you might get a good deal !

3. Schools
If you have kids, then deciding on a school in India is a big task!
Start your research early. Check the curriculum, term dates, admission procedures and fees.
Many schools offer CBSE, ICSE or IGCSE curriculum. So called International schools have CBSE/ICSE till 8th grade, and then give an option to switch to GCSE pattern.
Academics has high priority. Some schools have co-curricular activities (everything within school timings) , some have extra-curricular ( after school hours).
Some schools have day care facilities. Some provide b'fast / lunch / snacks in school. Some provide transport facilities - school buses. Check everything! Ask about everything!
Terms normally start in June. Admissions start from Oct /Nov for next year term in June. Admission forms might be on first-come-first serve basis. Most schools are particular on the class strength ( not more than 25 students) and age limits. They also have sibling preference, management quotas etc.
Higher grades mostly have entrance exams. One time non-refundable admission fees, 'development fees', 'donation' etc are the norm. Be prepared for those as well!
Most schools have online application forms and websites giving details of the school. Most of the time they aren't of any use.
If you have friends/relatives staying in India with school going kids, call them. Ask favours - they can sell your case better if their kids go to same school.
If you can call and fix appointments to visit schools before you reach India - do that. It might not always count, but be sure to make some contact!
Always give preference to personally visiting the campus, talking with principal, management, teachers etc before you take a call!

4. Accommodation
Once you reach India - where do you plan to stay? Unless you have a home / place to return to, finding accommodation is another big task. If you are returning through your employer, most likely you will get a serviced apartment or hotel stay for a limited (or extended period if negotiated). Use this stay wisely. Scout around to choose a locality of your choice. Consider traffic, travel times to and fro work, schools etc. Ask around, talk to friends, family, colleagues for ball park figures on rents or sale prices. Though there are a lot of property sites to refer to, they aren't always very precise and property pictures etc can be deceptive. Get references for property agents - they make your task easier. If possible log on to property forums created by communities. Coming from abroad, gated communities is a good option to stay because all the services and facilities are better regulated. For e.g. setting up your cable connection, telephone, broadband, milk-wala, papar-wala , domestic helps, drivers etc is very easy. Also school buses for most of the schools around that area, office cabs drop and pickup etc is regulated. Security, water supply (even tanker loads), generator back up - basically things for which you would need to run from post to pillar if you choose to be on your own are easily sorted for you if you choose to rent / buy in a gated community. Do your research before you choose one.

If you have not shipped your furniture, you would need to buy some - not all rental places come fully furnished as that is not the norm in India yet. If cost is a constraint or you would rather buy the good stuff for your own place than in a rental , there are sites which offer pre-owned or used furniture at a discounted price through individual sellers. There are some who might what to sell the whole lot because they are moving abroad.


So you have decided on the destination in India, and you have successfully packed and shipped stuff.
You are ready to start your life in India !!

India Chronicles - 1 : Why would one want to return to India

I am hugely generalising things here, but some how, every Indian who goes abroad, plans to return to India , some day.
The key-word being 'some-day'.

The reasons for doing so - or even not doing so, but still wanting to do so are numerous.
Lets omit the technical, inevitable , obvious reasons like visa expiries, project closures, job losses, bankruptcies - in short the 'had-to-return' reasons. Or lets not even go to the 'need-to-return' reasons - family issues, elderly parents,   other responsibilities that require attention etc..

Lets just look at the 'want-to-return' reasons.
Why would you want to return? A few I gathered over the numerous discussions with friends here are..

• Kids  - A very very important reason. You have kids, they are growing up fast - they are getting assimilated seamlessly into the western ways. Some parents might not want that to happen. Returning to India to 'apne log, apne sanskar ' etc etc. seems like a safer bet. Also, parents want their kids to bond with the extended family back in India - the earlier they return, the better are the chances - mostly.
• Family - Coming abroad, you have friends. Lots n lots of them. They become your second family. You may have occasional cousins coming in too. But do we get that wide spectrum of relations abroad? Grandparents, uncles, aunts, first cousins, second cousins, nephews, nieces etc? Indians are very family orientated. All festivals, celebrations are incomplete without the 'big gathering'. The more the merrier.  Over years, this factor becomes quite prominent - again once kids are in picture, the urge to connect to the extended family is more.
• Feeling of Belonging - We walk English, we talk English.  Some of us, on passport, are officially English ( taking up foreign citizenship ). But are we really a part of the country we are in? Some blend in really well while some still feel like they don't 'belong'. They feel culturally alienated - they have great social life, fabulous friends , fantastic work colleagues - but still something is missing.
• India is a growing economy - the new Land of Opportunities. Today's economy is glum. Slowdowns, recession is the norm. The great big dream that first called Indians abroad for plush jobs and swanky lifestyle isn't there any more. Job market is struggling abroad. Business is slow. India on the other hand is a growing economy. Jobs pay well, even business ideas thrive. Everything sells. Money buys a lot of things.In spite of the infrastructure issues, one can create an oasis to maintain a fairly similar lifestyle one enjoyed abroad. So why not go back?
• Weather - Now this isn't exactly a huge reason to return to India. But for some it might just tip the scale. Extended periods of long snowy winters, grey rainy summers - isn't exactly what we Indians grew up with. If adjusting to the climate becomes a struggle in terms of health and lifestyle, one might think they have had enough!
• Lifestyle - Again, not a hugely impacting factor to return to India. Day-to-day life abroad is much more easier. No power cuts, no water shortage. Cars are necessities - not luxuries. Ditto with other white goods - ovens, washer dryers, dishwashers - these all make you independent. Supplies are abundant, supermarkets over flow with choices. Daily services are regulated - garbage collection, maintenance of property, clean safe neighbourhoods are common. Commute to work is easier. Work environments are much better. Work policies are supportive. 9-5 jobs really exist. There is far less pollution. Now the bad part - its just you who does everything. No help, no support. Again, with kids in picture - cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing, meal times, bath times, bed times - even the occasional DIYs, plumbing, carpentry, electrical fixes - its you all the time. Family crisis, hospital visits, illnesses - again just you.For a working couple - this might become daunting. Agreed, its the way of life abroad, and its definitely more good than bad - but for some - this can't become their way of life. Also, many who come abroad make compromises in terms of accommodation, expenses etc. Having come here to study or on short term work assignments , it all begins like a temporary arrangement. Focus is more on saving than spending. Renting than buying. Not having the clarity for future - 'are we here for long term? ' means day to day life is lived 'temp' basis, than enjoying it full fledged - which for some is in stark contrast to the lavish life led back home in India. 

So, all or some of the above factors drive the decision one makes about returning to India.

Once the mind is made up - what follows next? What does one do next? 

There are tonnes of things to do then.

The steps towards making this transition are numerous - but the hardest one is already taken - the decision is made!

How Shopping kills the joy of shopping

As the festive season of Diwali approaches - so do memories of Diwalis gone past. Long ago when I used to be a little girl, Diwali was a season to shop. New clothes of course, but also something major for the house - an appliance mostly. Also, ours was a tradition to buy audio tapes. Good song collections, musical jugalbadis, even story-telling and speeches by famous authors.
The festival was a window to do things which were out of ordinary. Something different from the routine. Isn't that the whole point of a festival? You cook special food, wear special clothes, do special things - its not routine!

But these days - with shrinking families and closing social groups (which prefer virtual contact to real physical get-togethers) - one is driven to find modes of entertainment to keep oneself occupied. And what do most people do? They shop.

People go shopping not because they want to buy something, but because they don't have anything else to do, nowhere else to go! Going to malls is a routine weekend thing, and shopping is just a by-product of it. We buy stuff online mostly because we came across a good deal or we buy it on an impulse. There is no waiting, or wanting for things we yearn. If it catches your fancy, you buy it. You don't wait to earn it. You don't wait and then reward yourself with something. You just go and buy. Instant gratification!

Earlier, things were bought to mark an occasion - birthday, anniversary, festival - something. These days there is no such 'occasion'. We just go ahead and buy. And this is what is killing the joy of shopping.

The e-commerce revolution

The last time I tried an online transaction in India was in 2006 - booking IRCTC tickets perhaps. I still remember the cloud of doubt through which it all happened.
 ''..the card details will be hacked'', "...the transaction won't go through", "..they will charge extra..", "..the tickets will never be booked..".  Thousands of doubts till it all went well.
Shopping online was very limited - may be just movie tickets and the odd gift of cake and flowers. But till the deal actually took place, the online part of it was very much doubted.

We then moved to the UK, and the entire world was through e-commerce. Groceries, take-aways, flights, hotel reservations, bill payments, train passes, kids' stuff, clothes, furniture, cars - almost everything was bought online. Entire holidays from flights, taxi-pickups, car rentals, hotel stays were booked from the living room, and enjoyed as planned without a hiccup! Hassle-free.Safe. Reliable. It was fast becoming the way of everyday life.

Come 2013-14. Am back in India. And the most significantly changed aspect is e-commerce. The way it has grown in leaps and bounds is just astounding.

image from here

image from here

I tentatively dipped my toes in 'order-stuff-online' when I was at home and had to get ready for my 2nd baby to arrive. FirstCry, BabyOye came to the rescue. The entire experience was fabulous. Then on , there has been no stopping me.Since then I have tried Jabong, Myntra, SnapDeal, FlipKart - all with fantastic services and range of products. Sites like BigBasket, Towness are delivering fresh produce at the doorstep at very reasonable rates. Not only are the card transactions seamless, there are 'Cash on Delivery' options for those still sceptical. Exchanges and returns are effortlessly handled. Customer support is apt and efficient.Doorstep, on-time deliveries and making it a very favourable experience. The mobile apps for most of these are very user friendly too.The happy customer base is fast growing.

image from here

image from here

As we talk about the online shopping experience, I must not forget to mention sites like OLX - which are doing a great job of connecting individual buyers and sellers - a trend which is catching on - earlier being frowned upon by the Indian customer. Buying 'once-loved'/'second-hand' stuff was mostly limited to books. There are other fast growing groups on FB which encourage swapping or selling used stuff to 'reuse' and 'recycle'.

This was one thing I believed I would miss the most here in India - but I can't praise these e-commerce sites enough. Its probably in its best phase now, and it can only keep on growing from here on. Apparently experts believe it to become a $100-billion industry in the next 10-15 years. E-commerce is gaining access in everyday life. Kudos and All The Best.

Take Two

After a second long hiatus - this time for the arrival of little M - the blog beckons me yet again..
Am in India - Bangalore this time, and with mingled sweet memories of the wet mornings and grey afternoons of my dear ole London - I savour the absolutely splendid summer here. Little big K has turned 5 , and little M is yet to reach his 1st.

How does being content feel? It must be like what I feel now. Its not a forever lasting feeling - not for me at least. But now, in this moment - it feels perfect. Can't ask for more.

I remember when this wave of contentedness swept over me when I was at home with K - then just a year old. Days were a whirlwind of activities around K, his meals, baths, story times, playtimes, sleep times.
When there was some time left for myself I would sway between trying to be a domestic goddess or a couch potato. One day I would be in a mad rush to get everything done - laundry, ironing, dusting, folding, baking, cooking and what not. Other day I would just put my feet up and curl up on the sofa watching TV,reading a book,writing a blog or having  really long conversations with one of my girl friends (Girl friends for a girl are God-sent. Bless them and thank God for them - no one restores sanity as they do) .
As K grew up - the restlessness crept up - K became more independent and the days started feeling too long. Careers and 'i -need-to-have-my-own-thing' beckoned and the transition from a stay-at-home-mom to a working one was seamless.

Now, the second time around, with the next little addition - days have become equally hectic - and there are more of them which fly past with a never-ending stream of to-dos. Domestic Goddess as been abandoned and super-mom has taken over.There are of less of those 'put-your-feet-up-and-do-nothing' days. Even when I put my feet up these days there is an infant bouncing on them!
There are more days when normal conversations seem impossible, tempers of kids and grown-ups flare alike, and there are tantrums galore.  But there is twice as much joy, twice as much love and so much more tenderness in everything - its all hidden in those busy days and if you blink too often you might miss that magic moment.  Its more hard work, more sacrifices - all of us need to push ourselves a little bit further but its all worth it.

It all feels complete now - this is it, and this how its going to be.New horizons will soon beckon, but for now- take two is on and feels fab!

Book Worm Fridays - Why read to your little ones?

As I waited for my little one's turn for his 3 month vaccination at one of the NHS centres, I saw a few mums carrying a neat cloth bag, with a lovely picture of a Mommy Bear reading to her cub. 'Bookstart' was written under it.

Image from here

Bookstart is an initiative to instil the love of books and reading into little ones - as early as possible. They encourage parents to read to their little ones - not only does it give them an early start into reading, its a wonderful bonding activity as well.

Pretty soon, I had this lovely bag hanging off my little one's pram. I started reading these books to him that very night. He held his gaze at the brightly coloured pages - and I would like to believe that he was hooked to books from that day! I myself enjoy books immensely, so was more than glad to see this new development.
He is 4 yrs old now, and reading books is his favourite pastime and bedtime routine. He has a good collection of books - and growing!
Our time and attention is the best gift we can give to our little ones. Reading to them is one way of doing it.
I would like to share reviews of a few books I have read to my little one over these years.

One of the earliest books I have read to him is 'Happy Dog Sad Dog', by Sam Lloyd.

Image from here

Its a board book with 16 pages, with just large pictures of different kinds of simple dog cartoons.
Each page has just 2 words - like 'Happy Dog - Sad Dog', 'Big Dog - Small Dog', 'Clean Dog - Dirty Dog' etc.
The colors are bright and catchy, the images simple and bold.
Very small kids (below 6 mnths) enjoy the colors and pictures, where as kids older than 6 mnths can do hand gestures ( big and small)  and facial expressions (happy, sad). The concept of opposites can also be introduced through the book.

You will be amazed at how much you can get out of such a simple book !

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Came across this story in one of the regional news papers. No idea who the author really is.

A young girl was tired - tired of fighting her everyday fights - she was depressed not just about her future, but her present as well. She found no joy, no hope in her existence. Each day was just a new struggle, new fight .
Feeling utterly rotten, she visited her mother.
She spoke about her situation till she had nothing more to add. Mum listened patiently, a knowing smile on her face.

Then , once the girl had exhausted herself - Mum asked her into the kitchen.
She took 3 identical vessels, and filled each with same amount of water. Then placed each on a stove top, to boil. Once the water came to a rolling boil, she dropped a carrot in one, an egg in second and some coffee beans in the third. She watched silently along with her confused daughter for sometime.

Then she spooned out the carrot , the egg and the coffee beans.
"See dear, all three were subjected to same trying conditions - boiling water. The carrot went in hard and sweet, but came out all soft n soggy. The egg, was brittle, fragile before being boiled - its shell is still the same, but from inside, its hardened up. And the coffee beans? They just sat in the boiling water first - but then rose to the top, and as the water boiled, they released their taste, their aroma, their colour in the water. The water is not water any more, its coffee. So tell me - which one are you? A carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
Because the quality of your life, your future, depends on what you would choose to be . You can either give up, and lose your self in the struggle, or come out of it stronger than you were. Or fight such that it does not remain a fight at all. Make it yours, give it all you have!! "

Ponyo

A quick post - incredibly cute little animation that I stumbled across on Film4. Japanese Ghilbi studios always do fantastic animations - some cuter than others. Ponyo isn't exactly the cutest, but its nice to watch for a change.

Little K adores it. Some bits here and there are just plain silly, but the best part is Ponyo's interaction with Souske.
We role-play Ponyo ad Souske sometimes. Its so much fun!

A cup of tea

A lot can happen over a cup of tea.
A mind can think, and dwell, as the spoon swirls little circles in the tea cup - new ideas brew with the tea and worries dissolve with the sugar.

A lot can happen over a cup of tea.
Cold hands are warmed around the steaming hot cup, as hearts thaw with every sip.

A lot can happen over a cup of tea.
Storms in teacups. Fists banged on desks and spilled tea stains on tables. Minds fuming and steaming, as the tea sits untouched, tepid, lukewarm - insipid.

A lot can happen over a cup of tea.
Reams of gossips! Hush hush and giggle giggle - biscuits dipped and dipped again and a soggy residue at the bottom of the cup.

A lot can happen over a cup of tea.
Dripping rains. Glistening leaves. Sloshed up shoes and soaking wet clothes. Steaming hot tea, strong - nostrils seeking the steam and the heat. And a stolen glance over a cup of tea.

A lot can happen over a cup of tea.
Lets talk about you. No, lets talk about me. Another tea? With milk? No milk? I like mine with sugar - I like mine with lemon. Lets talk about 'we'.

A lot can happen over a cup of tea.
Tears brimming, teacups in hands - gently resting on the lap. Untouched.I can smell the tea - and your tears mixed with it.

A lot can happen over a cup of tea.
Tiered eyes, tiered limbs, tiered mind. Will you just sit, and let me make a cup of tea - for you and me?

A lot, really, A LOT can happen over a cup of tea.

Happy Diwali!

For me, Diwali is all about atmosphere. There is a slight winter nip in the air, the mornings have just started turning a bit foggy, delicious smells of savouries being fried waft in on lazy afternoons , earthen lamps (panatis), firecrackers, lanterns (akashkandil), small figurines (mavale) for the fort (killa) start making their appearances in all markets - and Diwali is in the air.

From the place where I come from, Diwali is celebrated for 4 days.
It starts with the ladies of the house taking a ritualistic oil bath - abhyanga snan.
Ladies apply scented oils and wash their hair. Little girls are given a good body massage. A special herbal paste called utana is used for bath. Call it a Spa Day for ladies!
Vasubaras - is celebrated by paying respect to cow and her calf. They are worshipped on this day and are fed specially prepared offerings.
Then comes Dhanatrayodashi or Dhanteras. Wealth is worshipped in this day, and is celebrated prominently by traders and businessmen. Buying gold, silver or even utensils is auspicious.
Next day is Narakachaturdashi. Its a Spa day for the family! People wake up before sunrise and take the elaborate abhyanga snan. Baths are elaborate - first a full body massage with perfumed oils, and then a bath with special herbal utnas.
The most popular day of Diwali is Laxmi Pooja. On this day, Goddess of Wealth is worshipped in the form of gold, silver, money, accounts, balance books, jewellery etc. Colourful rangolis adorn the courtyards of many houses.The lights and fireworks are the brightest on this day.
The next day is Padwa - signifying the bond between husband and wife. The lady of the house receives a generous gift from her husband, mostly an ornament or a piece of jewellery.
The last day is Bhaubij or Bhaiduj. It signifies the bond of love between siblings. Sisters receive gifts from their brothers.

Celebrations in our house were ritualistic. Like that special Moti soap - reserved strictly for Diwali bath times. It just didn't feel right to use this soap for the everyday bath! Same was the case with those perfumed almond oils. (Funnily enough, little K associates the smell of a certain perfumed oil with Diwali, and has coined it 'Happy Diwali Oil' !).
Family shopping trips were quintessential as Diwali approached. Those days, shopping - especially clothes shopping happened on occasions. Festivals, weddings, birthdays. It wasn't the norm to go shopping on the fly, definitely not as a pastime.
Ditto for fireworks. We used to be given a budget - within which we could fit our list. Small temporary stalls would be set up in a huge public ground, where people used to go in the evening to shop for firecrackers. More than the display fireworks, the loud ones that burst with a bang were preferred. While the chunkier items were used up under adult supervision, the harmless ones were used as afternoon pastimes - we used to get a good 10 days off from school. Talking of school, how could we forget the Diwali homework  Schools gave reams and and reams ( or so we felt) of homework to be completed - I remember filling several 400 paged notebooks with essays and sums and Q & As.
There used to big family lunches and dinners, where all uncles and aunts and cousins used to gather. After the meals, as elders indulged in general chit chat or a game of cards, kids would build killas - small fort replicas with bricks and mud. A robust arrangement of bricks would be covered with a thin hemp or jute cloth and then plastered with potting soil or mud.Mustard seeds would be sowed to grow 'farms' and foliage on the fort. Great creativity and imagination went into these - caves , wells, water moats, tunnels, steps - anything and everything was included in the structure. Little figurines of Shivaji and his soldiers (mavale) were put on a fort, along side farmers and their cattle, wild animals and ladies carrying water pots up the fort!

Diwali offered great opportunities for community gatherings, and many live performances of dance and music, lectures by dignitaries were arranged.
Diwali offered a special something for everybody - ladies had their pharal preparation afternoons, kids had their killa sessions, menfolk busied themselves setting up lanterns , driving the shopping trips and being at the beck and call for any after-work-hour help. Families visited neighbours for a quick cup of tea and samplings of the pharal. Even  domestic helpers were handed packets of home made goodies accompanied by hefty tips or an occasional new saree or dress.
Such were the festivities - that filled peoples' minds with generosity and well being. Diwali not just in the air, but in the minds and spirits.

What are you watching these days?

God bless Sky+. For a toddler's parents, getting a turn to watch there favourite TV programme is virtually impossible. Recording their favourite programme on the other hand, is just a few clicks away!

God Bless BBC - for the pure, unadulterated joy of watching a very interesting programme on TV - uninterrupted. This, by far is the single most reason I so love BBC. And of course the quality of programmes.

Some of C's and mine combined favourites are from BBC - The Sherlock series, Dragon's Den, Top Gear, News, MasterChef, Andrew Marr's History Of the World ( and The Paradise- on my list only and the Great British Bake Off on C's list only) to name a few. Also on recording is Richard Hammond's Miracles Of Nature. But yet to establish a fan following. Homes Under The Hammer is a good change too. So is Flog It ( but only sometimes!)
BBC iPlayer is yet another blessing - never were the long journeys to work so appealing!

Sky too has some interesting stuff going on. We are enjoying Elementary , and Grey's Anatomy might come back as a favourite - but its too early to tell. Game Of Thrones series - really well made. Definite watch (for me).

Channel 4's Grand Designs is another of our picks. There were times when we would watch back to back episodes late into the night! Location Location Location and A Place in the Sun are on the list too.

Discovery's best picks for us are How Its Made and Myth Busters. Even little K enjoy's it.

The usual suspects - sitcoms - are my territory only. There have been on and off recordings of Desperate Housewives, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, Scrubs - but I tire of them after sometime.

Movies - we enjoy our Hindi movies. But, they are a pain to watch when just as the hero takes a sideways look at the villain and... Sunrise Kitchens offer you a huge selection of designs and materials!!! Can't stand the adverts.
But once recorded, C sits readily armed with the remote, and whizzes past these annoyances in a fraction.

Now you would think, hmm.. that's a lot of TV these people can manage to watch.
Well, there are a few things we enjoy together - and watching TV is one of them. Thankfully, C n me mostly share the same viewing interest, so watching something together and then chatting and discussing it later gives us the much needed 'us' time after a day spent at work. That, and The Great British Weather, make watching TV our favourite pastime.

I can't wait to be King!

Little K's current favorite is The Lion King. He loves it - can watch it every day. He does watch it every weekend. And he does not just watch - he listens. He even shushes us when we are talking - he really wants to listen to what everyone in the film are saying.
And he understands - I recently over heard him explaining the entire plot to one of his friends. He knows Mufasa and Simba are good, and Scar and the hyenas aren't.
But best bit was at bath time one day. I generally leave him with his bath toys for about 5 mins towards the end, so that he can splash about till I get his stuff ready. I heard him singing the 'Oh I just can't wait to be King..' song. Ok, by song I mean that one line - but then it was in tune - and he filled rest of it with 'na na na..'.
And on another day, he wanted to help out in the kitchen - by ahem! cutting vegetables with the kitchen knife.
When I said he needs to wait till he is a grown-up to do that, he broke into this song !
Needless to say - I am thrilled! I can't wait to see my little Simba grow up !

This is the full lyrics of that song. Now I don't listen to Elton John very often, but Lion King definitely is some where in the top of charts for me!

Curiosity Killed the Cat

Curiosity Killed the Cat, is a proverb used to warn of the dangers (or foils) of unnecessary investigation or experimentation - says Wikipedia.

I have, of my own accord , experienced it first hand , most recently.
As I travel by underground rail ( or tube as Londoners fondly(!?) call it) to work every day, I notice several people reading either one of   'The Hunger Games' trilogy by Suzanne Collins, or 'A Song of Ice And Fire' series by George R R Martin.
I normally pick books based on impulse, recommendations, reviews, nostalgia or popularity - not necessarily in that order.
Having seen the above mentioned books so often, on a daily basis, it was not long before I made a trip to the library and asked for the first book of each series - and surprise surprise - there wasn't one available. There were 69 and 72 reservations respectively for the 20 'Hunger Games' and 17 'Games of Throne' copies   at the library!  I put my name on the list and waited for the email announcing my copy was ready to be picked.

If I like a book, I read it slowly, leisurely.  I want it to last as long as possible - I dread the disappointment of finishing that book. I get anxious as fewer and fewer pages are left to be read.

The Hunger Games is a trilogy. The Ice and Fire series has 7 books - of which sixth and seventh are yet to release! If these books appeal to my taste, and get me engrossed, I will have 10 books to savour - now that is something worth considering.
 I had a similar excited frenzy with Harry Potter and The Lord Of The Rings. ( Though, of all Harry Potter books, 'Prisoner of Azkaban' I liked best, and all those that came after it never lived up to the standard for me.  As for 'The Lord Of the Rings' - J R R Tolkien - take a bow! Never has been my reader's mind so encouraged and enthused into imagination , since the golden years of reading Enid Blyton's 'Adventures of Wishing Chair' ! )

There has been an increasing trend to make movies based on books.

Now, when you read a book, your imagination has no boundaries, no limits. Anything and everything is possible. Such is the power of the written word, that an infinite supply of thoughts can be drawn out from the depths of your mind. Your mind does wonders with spinning images and sounds and smells and feelings in your head from the words that you read.
But show that book as a movie - and your mind is fed with someone else's vision, someone else's interpretation! And mostly ( except for the noble exception of The Lord Of The Rings) the movie versions result into disappointment.

I prefer to read a book, than watch a movie made out of it.

Coming back to the cat that got killed - I read the first 'Hunger Games' and then happened to look it up on the net - just out of curiosity! And Wikipedia ruined it for me. 3 books summarized into a few pages - and I kind of had no more interest in reading the books any more.
I also happened to see the televised drama based on 'Games Of Throne' - its very well made, but now every time I read about Ned Stark, I will have Sean Bean in my head.

If only I had not looked these things up - I would have had 10 books to look forward to! Sigh! and Alas!


This month is (apparently) the National Blog Posting Month. The theme is blogging for blogging's sake!
Works for me, as it gives me a (much needed) boost to blog more regularly. I am going to try and post more often for this NaBloPoMo!

Redundancy is liberating..

A lot has happened between the last post and this.

Olympics and Paralympics were a great success.
The summer has been glorious.
We finally did a mini Europe tour, with family.

After over 6 years of working in the Western side of the world, I faced redundancy.

A work culture where redundancy isn't much of a taboo, when compared to the eastern side of things, its not much of a news.
Working in the City, in the investment banking circus, its no news.

I worked in a small firm, which was doing very well - so well that it attracted attention from the big fish in the US of A, and there was a buy out.
Inevitably, majority of the staff was slashed.
Losing job is not a happy affair, but when all are sailing in the same boat, the pain is dulled.
(And with a more than handsome redundancy package, the pain is numbed! ;-) )

The last month at office passed in a blur of discussions, team lunches, outings and leaving drinks.

Once there was nothing else to do, I realized there was so much to do!!

Late mornings.
Cooked breakfast and freshly brewed coffee.
Morning playtime with little K.
Walks with friends.
TV lunches.
Window shopping.
Wardrobes to be cleared.
Furniture to be dusted.
Kitchen to be tidied.
Plants to be watered.
New recipes to try.
Afternoon naps.
Swimming on a week day!
More relaxed weekends - more family outings!
Hanging out with friends over tea.
Going to the park, library, mall , swimming pool with little K.
Pre and post dinner chats with C.
Late night movies.
Long phone calls with mom and sis.
Tine for evening prayers and lighting a lamp.


And books - lots and lots of books.
With train to catch and office to reach - Kindle was the saving grace to reading books.
But the joy of reading a book is like sipping wine.
You can't finish it in one go, neither can you leave it untouched for long.
Its best enjoyed leisurely.
This break has rekindled, renewed the bond with books.

I dreaded the time when there would be no office to go to, no routine, no schedule to a day.
How wrong I was!
I have discovered that household chores have their own charm.
Baking a cake provides just the right amount of distraction when you need one.
Arranging a bookshelf helps you organize your thoughts.
Hoovering, ironing, folding clothes becomes a form of meditation.

Small precious moments, which slip by unnoticed in a busy day - little K wearing shoes all by himself, C asking help with his cuff links - now become the high notes of a good day.

Having more time for myself, has helped me give more time to my loved ones.

Redundancy has helped me slow down, and take a good look at things that matter, things that really make a difference.
I liked my job and enjoyed it. But what I have found by losing it, is more precious.
Time will come when this relaxed routine will make me restless, and I would want to go back to a full time job. But for now, this redundancy suits me just fine!

Be a Sport!

The UK has been preparing for this event for 8 years. They are hosting it for the 3rd time. They'ev had 70,000 Game Makers ( volunteers for you and me) toiling away for this grand event. There are 10,500 competitors from 206 countries taking part in 26 sports.  20,000 broadcasters, photographers and journalists with be bringing the Games to 4 billion people worldwide.
Such is the event, THE event - the 30th Olympiad - the London 2012 Olympics!

I am a big fan of the BBC. ( may be a separate post for this later). Over the past 18 months BBC has been running a series called Olympic Dreams, featuring British athletes from across the country and their stories of hope and struggle, to win the coveted gold.
There has been a similar series featuring Olympic hopefuls from over the world.
A feature on Britain's golden girl Victoria Pendleton - a unique insight into the struggles and sacrifices made for the sake of the sport.
Another one on Usain Bolt, the fastest man alive. And another on Tom Daley, the poster boy of Britain.

All through this, the Olympic fever has been slowly building up. And so has this thought in mind.
What amazed me was the sheer dedication, hard work - inhuman at it I would say, and the single minded pursuit of one burning passion in the sports person's mind towards her sport.
Apart from that one person's life investment in the sport, there is so much, just so so much that the country is doing to nurture and encourage this sports involvement.
The facilities, infrastructure, training, opportunities, grants, subsidies  - numerous forms of tangible and intangible efforts from the government to encourage its talented people to take up sport as a career and excel at it.
After all, it was England that first made Physical Education (PE) compulsory in state schools till the age of 16.
The importance and allocation of efforts and funds that is given to sports along side education, technology and industrial development is just amazing.

Fair or unfair, I don't know, but I could not help compare the (disparate) sports scenes in India and the UK.
The passion, dedication and struggle at personal level is still the same, or even more in India - so many talented people have made it or are trying to make it big in spite the adversities.
But the investment coming from the country - leaves so much to be desired.
The condition of stadiums and sports villages is unfathomable.All that drives the initiatives seems to be money and more money.  Indian sports scene reminds us more of mishaps like the recent Commonwealth Games , than the glories and victories. Petty politics, group-ism, unfair, uncalled competition - why and how are these things connected to national sports? All the good schemes, grants and subsidies by the government ( if any)  get lost, misused or abused by the middlemen before reaching the deserving candidate.

If nothing, sports seems to be spelt as c-r-i-c-k-e-t in India. All other sports are step children, and very badly treated ones at that.

The Olympic scene is not entirely glum ( but lets not even talk about Paralympics -  the dignity of disabled people in India is a topic that demands a full fledged discussion!), we do have some hopes in tennis, badminton, weightlifting, sharp shooting, boxing, wrestling - and am glad we do have some bright sparks - though far and apart.
We Indians are habituated to living in past glories.The Milkhas and P T Ushas are still revered, but hardly new names rise on the scene. Sports persons who try to make it big , are hobbled by numerous hurdles - the performances are inconsistent, selection committees are riddled,  international participation is marred by controversies.
The problems are numerous, and it just boils down to the apathy of the system towards the importance of sports and its nourishment  Very few dare to make sports their career - because sadly, neither does it lead to fame and glory, nor to financial stability.

Not even 24 hrs into the 2012 Olympic, the mystery lady who made an appearance during the march past is already making news in India.

I hope Olympics 2012 has a few surprises - very pleasant ones - in store for India.
C'mon India - Be A Sport!